A
short diary of myself.
Recently, I'm in the worst circumstance. I've been
emo-ing all the way for weeks even now. I cried almost every day when I think
about it. I feel so so so depressed with myself until I couldn't even accept
it. I desperately wanna go back home after so long but I really can't make it
due to the hell extra class and approaching final exam which will be starting
next Friday. Every day, all the negative way of thinking will saturated in my
mind. I just couldn't be positive at all. I feel myself really lifeless; I don't
have any motive anymore. Days after days, I'm getting worst! I make people
around me worried so much on me. I feel freaking guilty at the moment. I just
can't stop crying every day. My family has been come to KL last week just to
bring me out for lunch and dinner, but guess what, I refused them. I tell them
I haven't finish study for my test, I really don't want disappoint myself, I
don't wanna fail any subjects. I know it is not easy surviving in ADP's life
but I had chosen to embark my journey through this path, I can't give up! FYI,
don't ever choose ADP if possible, the life is seriously killing you to dead.
Pathetic to the max! YOU'D NOT HAVE A SINGLE TIME TO CHILL EVEN UNTIL THE DAY
BEFORE FINAL! This is why ADP stands for ALL DAY PRESSURE! This is so true! The
toughest course ever! Even A-level wasn't that horrible as many of seniors
said. So, back to topic. I cry for so many times per day, whenever I was
studying, if my mind thinks of it, 100% I will cry. I miss my home so so much,
my family, my siblings, my bed, etc. I just miss everything in Malacca. I just
can't stand the atmosphere of this stressful life. I can't even have a proper
sleep everyday. Even the moment I try to sleep, I will just get up myself
everyday at 1am, 3am or 4am. My mind will automatically tell me is time to
study, is time to study. Urghhh. I wish I could cope it by myself, but I really
can't stand it until it really affects my mood and appetite to eat. I don't
feel like eating at all and ended up stomach pain everyday. Thus, it makes my
mum worried of me so much :( She had been called me for so many times, just to
make sure I'm doing fine here; asking me to eat, don't keep study the whole day
and etc. The most important point was she wants me to go back and rest so
badly. I wish I could seriously, but all because of the extra class, quizzes,
tests, presentations and coming soon finals. Tell me how how how to go back???
:((( I told my mum about it, but she said aiya just a test, do your best is
enough. I know I'm a person that wants thing to be done perfectly if possible,
I will feel horribly guilty if I never do my best on everything, so do my
studies. I know I'm not smart as others, but I need to work hard for every
single test. I want to study no matter how much it is, but my mum just wish me
not to stress myself, she even keep called me don't keep study and later I will
become a mad person due to overload of stress. I know it, but tell me, is that
my problem now? Blame all the lecturers to be serious, every course that
offered even in foundation do have a short break in between before finals but
ADP just way of crazy and had test till day before final. The works can never
be done, you will forever have work to do. Haihs. Really feel so so guilty
right now. Guessing I shall not waste my time here anymore, I shall proceed
with my STUDIES again, yeah I have presentation again tomorrow; just see how
pathetic my life is! Huh #tearsrolling
