A short diary of myself.

A short diary of myself.

Recently, I'm in the worst circumstance. I've been emo-ing all the way for weeks even now. I cried almost every day when I think about it. I feel so so so depressed with myself until I couldn't even accept it. I desperately wanna go back home after so long but I really can't make it due to the hell extra class and approaching final exam which will be starting next Friday. Every day, all the negative way of thinking will saturated in my mind. I just couldn't be positive at all. I feel myself really lifeless; I don't have any motive anymore. Days after days, I'm getting worst! I make people around me worried so much on me. I feel freaking guilty at the moment. I just can't stop crying every day. My family has been come to KL last week just to bring me out for lunch and dinner, but guess what, I refused them. I tell them I haven't finish study for my test, I really don't want disappoint myself, I don't wanna fail any subjects. I know it is not easy surviving in ADP's life but I had chosen to embark my journey through this path, I can't give up! FYI, don't ever choose ADP if possible, the life is seriously killing you to dead. Pathetic to the max! YOU'D NOT HAVE A SINGLE TIME TO CHILL EVEN UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE FINAL! This is why ADP stands for ALL DAY PRESSURE! This is so true! The toughest course ever! Even A-level wasn't that horrible as many of seniors said. So, back to topic. I cry for so many times per day, whenever I was studying, if my mind thinks of it, 100% I will cry. I miss my home so so much, my family, my siblings, my bed, etc. I just miss everything in Malacca. I just can't stand the atmosphere of this stressful life. I can't even have a proper sleep everyday. Even the moment I try to sleep, I will just get up myself everyday at 1am, 3am or 4am. My mind will automatically tell me is time to study, is time to study. Urghhh. I wish I could cope it by myself, but I really can't stand it until it really affects my mood and appetite to eat. I don't feel like eating at all and ended up stomach pain everyday. Thus, it makes my mum worried of me so much :( She had been called me for so many times, just to make sure I'm doing fine here; asking me to eat, don't keep study the whole day and etc. The most important point was she wants me to go back and rest so badly. I wish I could seriously, but all because of the extra class, quizzes, tests, presentations and coming soon finals. Tell me how how how to go back??? :((( I told my mum about it, but she said aiya just a test, do your best is enough. I know I'm a person that wants thing to be done perfectly if possible, I will feel horribly guilty if I never do my best on everything, so do my studies. I know I'm not smart as others, but I need to work hard for every single test. I want to study no matter how much it is, but my mum just wish me not to stress myself, she even keep called me don't keep study and later I will become a mad person due to overload of stress. I know it, but tell me, is that my problem now? Blame all the lecturers to be serious, every course that offered even in foundation do have a short break in between before finals but ADP just way of crazy and had test till day before final. The works can never be done, you will forever have work to do. Haihs. Really feel so so guilty right now. Guessing I shall not waste my time here anymore, I shall proceed with my STUDIES again, yeah I have presentation again tomorrow; just see how pathetic my life is! Huh #tearsrolling